yey!

success!!!!

after dinner with friends.

this was breakfast, a few days back.
i have nothing to say. i dont know how to color the world coz i dont know the colors. inspiration, is what i need.

hehehe

my new trick. aren't i the cutest?

baby magic

I'm so happy with how they turned out! after all the hard work..... it really pays off. :)

hmm.

haven't been here a while
nothing to talk about
maybe
nothings happening
or its happening
but nothing happened to me.

bounce back

kids are amazing. they're good as new after an illness. :)

old and new

they say little children makes old blood new again.
i suppose so.
....
:)

Image via Wikipedia

Way back when, I would stand under the Oblation in UP Diliman and shed a few tears. It was always my dream to study there. Now, looking back, I find that I was being quite dramatic. The vivid image of myself as a college student has degenerated to a few images with very few pixels. A decade ago, I visited the campus every time I was up north. The moments under the Oble’s outstretched arms were always peppered with mixed emotions. I suppose my visits before desensitized me. I still have slight pangs of nostalgia, but mostly associated with the actual campus where I studied. 2 weeks ago, almost 10 years after I graduated from college, I stood there with the people I spent my college years with. That was one of my most meaningful visits to the campus. Ten is a good year to reflect on the things that transpired through the years. What better time to reflect than with some of my closest friends, the ones who knew me and know me. I wasn’t as emotional about the issue, just…..regretful, that I never had my piece of cake. Maybe it’s not too late, huh? Maybe I will still have the chance to be part of the campus. However, the feelings aren’t as acute as they used to be. The desire to imbibe the spirit of the place isn’t as great. Maybe my experiences in other things have changed me much. Maybe I have learned to define myself through other mediums. Maybe… or maybe not. Ask me again when I’m forty.

I finished reading this today. My thoughts? Well, when heaven and hell are juxtaposed, at the end of the day which road you chose really matters. Free will. The beauty and bane of our human existence.
It took long to finish this book. Too long. Unlike the other works by the same author, I had to exert effort to turn page after page. when I reached the point, then there was a sudden denouement. Then it was over. I feel glad that i finished reading this piece. Its an affirmation of what i know and believe: that you are what you think, and you are what you decide. Deciding to believe that man is good, or bad is a matter too sticky for my muddled brain. So....that's that.

things i love about my lilyput

1. her perfect, wide, gummy smile when she sees me or her daddy when she wakes up in the morning.
2. baby drool. and the way she salivates when she sees her teether,
3. fixes her eyes on it, grabs it and puts it in her mouth.
4. Her baby smell, mixed with milk.
5. cute little fingers and toes.
6. small baby shrieks of laughter.
7. the way she makes a beeline for her bottle.
8. sleeping on her daddy's chest after a long day
9. flinging her arms and legs about while she sleeps, making thumping sounds....
10. poo-poo face.
11. bright, sunny eyes that grow wide with amazement at the simplest things.
.....etc....

reboot...now....

My brain is still on leave. Eight days of being away from the grind is enough to make me rusty. Its empty, my consciousness is empty. Maybe something is whirring back there....

....
...um....


.....


.....see..?

tabula rasa.

to compensate, let me share the thought of the day:

Daffodils a poem
by William Wordsworth



I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the milky way,
They stretched in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay:
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced, but they
Out-did the sparkling leaves in glee;
A poet could not be but gay,
In such a jocund company!
I gazed—and gazed—but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought:

For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQnyV2YWsto&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.squidoo.com%2Fclassic-poems-for-kids&feature=player_embedded

....um....

i want to plant a herb garden.
i need basil, parsely, rosemary, thyme, sili labuyo, and kalamansi. there's oregano in the other house.

i need to make next week's menu. here the the no brainer things i'm thinking about.


Pineapple glazed chicken

Sauté chicken thighs and wings with seasoning until browned for about 15 minutes.
Cook in oven for 20 mins.
Pour 2 cups pineapple juice into the pan used to sauté. Add grated ginger. Add chilis.
Pour on chicken and serve
____

Parsely-lemmon pork chops.

Brown pork chops with salt and peepper on a pan. When almost done, add a little water. Plate.
Mince lemon rind. Chop parsely and mix together. Sprinkle over the chops. Serve with mashed potatoes with buttermilk and butter.

______

then i'll buy ground pork and half cook them. then make spaghetti sauce.....
hmmm...what esle....

ramblings

As I sit here, waiting for my muse to speak, I realize that I don’t even know if I have one. Maybe I just need to vent. Maybe I just need to get oiled and running. Nothing phenomenal happened today. I have nothing in particular to rant about. Today’s events have been smooth. But here I am, sitting on the lower bunk of the ICU’s quarters, typing away. As I sit, I wonder if the patients outside are OK. They probably are, or I’ll get a call. They were OK 3 hours ago- when I made rounds. I’m the senior on duty today. My team and I are watching over 20 patients in the ward, 4 patients in the IUC, 5 patients in the Neonatal ICU and approximately 15 newborn babies. Babies are always cute. Even when they barf at you, scream their heads off, or drool all over. And they get better more quickly than yucky adults. As I sit here I wonder if I should go into subspecialty training. There are family matters to take care of. There are financial matters too. I don’t know if I’ll feel complete and fulfilled without additional training. I don’t know if I’ll feel complete WITH training. In the latter years it has never been my priority. Foremost in my mind is the stability and comfort of my future life. Academic achievement has never taken a front seat in my life. But now, as I sit here, I wonder. Could I carve a better niche for myself if I do subspecialty training? Or is it just a way to get through life easier- because continuing education gets you further in a safer manner? Can I subsist on the routines of general practice? Do I really need to go into more training to go forward? Can I resist the adventure, or face the fear of tackling the uncertain? Will I measure up to the demands of being in the company of higher primates? Can I run with the gazelle, or will I be the giraffe, happily munching the leaves on to of the nearest tree? Scared. Scared is the word. Denial too? Maybe. But right now, I am on duty. I am waiting for a call, or text, or page—telling me that I’m needed somewhere. Maybe I should just put it at that. Maybe instead of dwelling on long term plans, I should start looking for a new topic for my prospective research this year (I scrapped the old one, because I don’t have enough subjects). Maybe I should sleep. Maybe I should go eat noodles. Too many maybes.

5/30/01 8:30 PM (PICU)

smile

Fist she regards with her big doe-eyes. A head-on stare. You can almost see the wheels of her developing brain turn. Then a big smile unfolds. It blooms into a grin from ear to ear. She smiles with her whole body. She wiggles her shoulders and tummy in mirth. A small, incoherent sound is heard. To my ears it’s a hearty laugh. Her eyes sparkle with the happiness that only babies know. The minutes that turned to hours talking, playing, dancing around are repaid with the toothless smile. She smells of milk and baby drool.

my 1st note

How long have I been procastinating? A year? more? The intention was always to document the daily dramas of my life so I can recollect on somethin when the time comes. Nah. I made that last sentence up. Hmmmm.... i'm gonna stop using capital letters now.....i shouldnt. One of the objectives is to remind myself that the English language doesn't include vernacular. In this world of multiplicity it is easy to forget syntax.

Would you believe that the impetus that finally motivated me to actually click until i reached this page was a nameless student. He wasn't good looking at all. But he passed me by at the hospital while I was on my way out, thinking about the things i need to buy at the grocery store to tide us till weekend. On seeing this particular student in his whites (also because of a book I was recently reading: "The Three Ring Circus", which was a collection of essays from parents on the horrors and joys of parenthood) I realized that I have a newfound....not newfound.....hmmm....I realized that I have greater respect for parents everywhere, especially the ones who put their kids through school.

One month before Lily was born, Dr. Onate was showing me a letter from a child to her mother that was sent to his wife by their daughter. I wasn't very moved by that letter. But now, 4 months after, I would have reacted differently.